remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
