pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm passing your future prison.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
