Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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