miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.