My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.