I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?