Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!