I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
