i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.