This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.