ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...