On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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