you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
