Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
