my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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