You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
