I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
