just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
