So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
