Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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