return my video game
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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