I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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