that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
God, I missed his penis.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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