so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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