just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
