I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
