Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
