You smell like stripper and shame
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
