and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
