As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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