Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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