My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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