I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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