i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
