drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
