Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
