my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
