If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
