But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
this beer tastes like vomit already
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
