the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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