I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
