i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
