I wish I could teleport
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
