its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
