3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dick very happy bro
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
