Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
