Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
