If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
