He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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