everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Everything about him screamed your future.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
