I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
