I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
