So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
