How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
