I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
