woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
