i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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