How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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