I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
