So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
