I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
