you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
