By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
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what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
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Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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