I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
