Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
