I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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