I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
