ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Found your dick twin last night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
