I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
