i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
