I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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