Moan for me like Helen Keller
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
