Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
