ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
