and you said cock pushups were impossible
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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