I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
two words...techno handjob
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
