Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
