shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
