Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
